I am (not quite) homeless.
I have a roof over my head, its just not my own home. Nor have i been in a position for several months to be able to afford one. My husband is a good, hardworking man, who had lost a job 4 times in the last 5 years. One company went bankrupt, another downsized, another needed to pull their company out of the United States, and other such craziness. I have health problems which make it next to impossible for me to work. As much as i hate to admit it, a part of me is still that teenage girl who had a tutor from the school come to my house because I missed one out of three days of school.
Most of our earthly posses are in a storage unit.
What we do have out are the things we need to function from day to day.
Before being in the situation we are now in, we were renting a small farm, a farmette.
We lived there for 17 months. In that time we acquired rabbits, chickens, ducks, geese, and sheep.
We loved it. We found where we belonged.
May 2013 our landlord, who was a dear friend of mine, informed us that they needed to sell the house.
We thought that we might actually be in a place financially to buy it. Two days later, my husband lost his job.
We struggled through the next 7 months. If not for help from family, friends, government assistance, and our church we would have been unable to feed our children or had a roof over our heads.
They did sell the house, which was great because even with all the help we could no longer afford to live there. But, that meant we had to move and find homes for all of our animals. I stink at moving. The realization that we had to put everything into storage, and pray we had enough money for that, made it even harder.
Finding homes for all of our animals made it an emotional nightmare.
We debated finding new owners for the animals or finding friends to watch them for us. My boys wanted to keep the animals. And, since we hoped it would only take a few months for us to get back on our feet, it even made a kind of financial sense. We'd invested a decent amount of money into our farm animals. When we discussed it with our children, they had tears in their eyes. They loved their animals. They were like family. With everything else my kids were going through, i knew i had to do everything i could so they wouldn't lose them too. It was pure craziness, but we've been able to save most of the animals.
In the midst of all of that, we were trying to figure out where were going to live.
A question we still have not found the final answer to.
My sister had previously invited, one might even say begged, us to come visit for Christmas. So, we made plans for my boys and I to go stay with her. My husband finally found a job, and started the day after my boys and I flew out. (My brother works for an airline and we were able to fly on buddy passes.) I am so grateful for my awesome family.
Being with family over the holidays was amazing. My boys got to see cousins they had not seen in years. It was exactly the balm my soul needed. And, i got to be helpful as my sister, who has 4 little boys, was on bedrest while pregnant with her daughter.
As it got closer to the time we were coming back to Maryland we again faced the question of where we would stay. My husband, with our dog and cats, was staying with a friend while working. My children and i could not stay there. My brother and his wife offered for us to stay with them. It was too far for my husband to drive to work each day. And, it was enough of a drive that we could not afford to drive from my brother's to where my husband was but maybe once every week or two.
An old Air Force buddy of that same brother offered for us to come stay with them. We'd known them for only a few months. As soon as they offered, i knew that was where we were going to stay. We get to eat and visit with my husband a few night every week. We're close enough to our animals that we get to go help take care of them. I feel so blessed to have such amazing friends and family.
A while back I wrote in my journal:
"Attitude of Gratitude" has been my mantra these last 8 weeks.
The seven weeks I spent in Nevada with family was a vacation. I missed my husband, terribly, but i was surrounded by so much good. Being back here and dealing with the realities of my life is so much harder.
As i dropped my husband off at where he is staying on Friday night so i'd have the truck on Saturday i was hit by the... i don't know the right word.
I felt homeless. Floating. Lost.
I want to lay in a bed next to my husband, to lay in in his arms.
I started to cry as i drove.
Immediately, gratitude kicked in.
We aren't on the streets. The family we are staying with is in the military.
They spent almost a year apart while he was in Korea.
He is also divorced, and his children live in another state.
How can I complain when i compare my circumstances to that?
I am not quite homeless, emphasis on the not quite.
And, for that I am grateful.